A Surreal Experience

I am back home. This morning I had a hot shower after sleeping in a nice bed. I know am home, yet last night I awoke to what I thought was a tremor but it was Paul rolling over in bed. It takes a while to reenter and in the meantime you cannot go to the mall, or a big grocery store. Therapy for me is editing this blog (dreadful number of typos) and adding the pictures. And I will sit with friends and tell encouraging stories as some of them are too tender hearted to listen to the other stories.

I felt protected the whole time I was in Haiti, even during the earthquakes. I felt some grief and great sorrow but not despair. Sister Lorraine shared with me that when she thinks of all the needs and how little she can do, that what she contributes is a drop in the bucket, she remembers that drop is Mercy. We give Mercy. And when I dress the remnants of limbs without flinching, that is Grace. When we went through Port Au Prince and saw the devastation (it looked like a war zone that you see in the movies) I just could not take it all in. I don't think I can ever take it in as that would be too destructive to me personally.  I accept that I do what I can and that is not much. For now, that will do.

Chaos

I don't think I have the skills to convey in words what has happened here in the last 18 hours. On Monday @4am we had a significant tremor. The patients and families streamed out of the hospital and were wailing outside. After a bit they were persuaded to return to the hospital rooms. Early this am (1:30) we had another significant tremor- this one longer than yesterday's and it was followed by a second, smaller tremor. The nurses aides ran outside, mothers picked up their children and ran outside and the motherless children were abandoned. No one could be persuaded to return inside. Instead they went up and took the mattresses off the beds and made themselves nests in the courtyard. When we arrived for the am meeting, we were greeted with hundreds of patients, nurses, therapists, family members in the courtyard along with IV's and other accompaniments of hospitalization. Because the people lived through the devastating earthquake and lost everything, they have a visceral terror that strikes when the earth moves. One man jumped out of a window here at the hospital and broke his leg. He was carried to the ER; it is just an example of how frightened they are.
We had 1/4 of the patients today as opposed to yesterday in ortho clinic and speculation is that they are afraid to come anywhere indoors. The Haitian press is broadcasting that another big earthquake is coming the 25th so no one will go inside. This is likely rumor, but remember they are terrified.
Father Rick stated that a nurse who runs out and abandons a child will be fired. He has empathy for the fearful, but his heart is with these children and most of his concern was how to care for them spiritually (parents and children) in their fear. He was also concerned that the sun was rising and the people would cook outside so tarps were suspended over most of the courtyard.
Can you imagine caring for all these children outside? All of the drinking water they need, the toileting, wound care, medications etc?
I am coming home tomorrow. Many more have arrived to take my place but I am torn and wish I could stay longer. I believe that things happen for a reason and that is why I am scheduled for tomorrow but it is hard to go. And hard to stay.

Fun with languages

It is Monday and therefore everyone who was told to come back in 1, 2, 3 or 4 weeks showed up. New help arrived for orthopedics over the weekend so we had 3 rooms going at full tilt and someone rounding on the patients in the tents and 2 MD's in the OR. We had a nurse anesthetist in the clinic so we could sedate some of the little fighters to get their casts off and their stitches out with less trauma for them and us. So we took off casts, removed the stitches cleaned the wounds and set some up for surgery. And gave out lollipops and toys.
In the second room, we had an Italian nurse who did not speak English so I translated. I was surprised at how well I did. We also had some Spanish speaking patients so I used my pathetic Spanish as well. And I now know a few words of Creole so I use those in combination with very bad french to greet people and wish them luck. I can say "no Problem" in Creole which I use frequently.
By 1:15 we looked up and had seen the bulk- I have no idea how many but the morning flew by and it was good. And in the course of 15 minutes I spoke English, Spanish, Creole and Italian which was great fun. All in a all most satisfactory morning.

Haves and have nots

Many of the volunteers sleep in cots in large tents. The tents are from the Italian civil protection group and are big blue things that accommodate many. Others have small personal tents. And the lucky folk have a room with adjoining bathroom. In our room there are 3 beds with mosquito netting and we share the simple bathroom with the 3 next door. Those in tents have no designated bathing/toileting facility so rely on the kindness of those in the rooms to share openly. We seem to have an open door reputation so there are lots of folks coming through. Because we have the end room on the second of 2 floors, we get a breeze in the afternoon and some evenings. Our room is highly prized and folks congregate outside on the terrace in the evenings. There is a canteen just outside the gates where you can get Guiness or Colt 45 which they think is American beer. At the end of the day, if it is cold, it is almost good.
Meals are haphazard for everyone. Coffee is mostly instant, the microwave heats beverages and is in great demand. Sugar is scare- I saw someone put maple syrup in their coffee this am. Milk is in cartons- unrefrigerated. Jam is in a 6 KG container- I can't believe the size of it. Most people eat granola/power bars. Lunch is prepared by Haitian staff and tends towards beans, rice, bread, spicy stuff. Occasionally there is fruit. There is a bakery nearby where the Italians are teaching the locals to bake bread- part of the helping Haiti help itself programming that goes on all around us. At night the Italian bakers are in the kitchen sampling the bread and critiquing it. Dinner is what you make or you can wait until 9 pm when the Italians produce so sort of pasta. I made whole wheat couscous with veggie broth and added dried cranberries and nuts. It was tasty. Most of the guys kind of wander around and eat bread or bars. Great diet!
There was a small earthquake around 4am. Some of the Haitians left the hospital in fear and were outside wailing in the dawn. Many volunteers have to sleep in a tent but they are not the have nots in this story. I know I am a have.

Sisters

So I have been hanging out with nuns. We have 4 of them here who span 4 decades from 40"s to 70"s and they are quite a bit of fun. 2 nurses, one teacher and an MD turned prison Chaplain from Canada, Spain and the US. They are dedicated, no-nonsense types who love children and will not tolerate less than your best. At least of the staff. They have colorful language when it is appropriate and are not above sharing a beer. As long as I am being called sister for my short undyed hair and wearing a cross, I might as well find out what that represents. I am not joining an order but I am proud and humbled to be called sister.

The Art of Pediatrics

In the clinic we start with a couple of very cute children. A little girl of about 4 comes in wearing a purple gingham dress and we remove her cast which is noisy and scary. I found a stuffed toy for her to cuddle during the procedure and coincidentally, it's ears were lined with purple gingham.

 Since all of our patients were waiting for Xrays, I went up to see my little boyfriends Morris. I picked him up and he snuggled right in. He tries to get even closer- I think he would crawl inside me if it were possible but instead he climbs me like a tree. He will not go to anyone else when I have him. I learn that his last name Frechette is Father Rick's last name, which means he has been abandoned. He will go to the orphanage when he is well.And he will become part of the orphanage family and will not be adoptable.
Back downstairs it turns out we can't get Xrays because the power went out  and the machinery won't reboot. So we arrange for most of them to return Monday but the little girl needs a splint on her arm so Warren and I wrap her with hot pink and cover it with pink tape covered in purple hearts. She now matches perfectly. That is the art of pediatrics.

Just another day in Haiti- kleenex required

I am a morning person. I like the peace of the morning, the quiet entry into the day with coffee, reading or sitting. In Haiti I rise early, make coffee (thank you Lili!) and read my email. I have developed the habit of daily mass as ritual is comforting to me and this keeps me connected to what is happening outside the walls of the hospital. I have not yet ventured beyond the gates.
The chapel had 3 caskets in front of the altar this morning and it was standing room only. These are the brothers and only family of 2 former orphans from nph. They were pulled from the rubble yesterday and brought to the chapel for a proper burial. Although the mass was in Creole, the homily was given twice, the second time in English and it was perfect. It is difficult to capture this in a few words but we are in phase 2. Phase one was a rush to help, to pull bodies, to rescue, to operate to amputate etc. It was done quickly and was so all consuming that you did not think- you acted which allowed people to work without profound grief getting in the way. But phase 2 involves caring for the living and burying the dead. It is painful as people form new families to care for those who have lost everything. And now we have to care for the limbless and help them form a new life. And we mourn and bury and weep and hug and this is the ritual to water the seeds we plant in the ground to rebuild Haiti. I have not done his words justice. But we are to reach out a grab what is good and hold fast to enable us to get through phase 2. so what is good? The 4 languages I heard in the kitchen this morning, the weeping during a service for strangers that says we care, the laughter of little children, new babies, strangers becoming friends. Love for each other, faith that things will get better and hope for the future.
The sisters of St Teresa have been paying the bandits 200.00 Haitian dollars to uncover their dead sisters to give them a proper burial. They now reside next to the chapel here. And now the sisters have asked these thieves to uncover the 200 children that lie beneath a school so that they can have a proper burial and Father Rick says they will also come to this chapel. Lord give me and all of us in Haiti strength.